From: kim@coach2joy.freeserve.co.uk Sent: 18
October 2006 17:32 To:
kim@coach2joy.freeserve.co.uk Subject: Are you experiencing imposter
syndrome? Coaching Insights October 2006
Are you experiencing
imposter syndrome? Coaching Insights October
2006
Welcome to Coaching Insights and
welcome to our new subscribers. Please forward this newsletter
to anybody who might be interested in reading about coaching -
executive, life and parenting.
Are you experiencing
Impostor Syndrome?
Thanks for the feedback I’ve had
on the Nic Askew 9am film alert, you seem to be
enjoying his free five minute films. Those of you who have
watched last week’s film will know exactly where I got the
idea for this month’s newsletter
on the Impostor Syndrome.
I’ve been coaching for nearly
nine years now and I've been surprised at the high incidence
of Impostor Syndrome, i.e. the sense that we’re really not
good enough to be in this role, that it’s only a matter of
time before we’re found out. It happens to even the most
unlikely candidates – those who appear so confident and yet
are having a terrible time within themselves, doubting their
decisions and judgements. Could you be one of those people? I
bet you know someone who is. Here are some questions devised
by Valerie Young of impostorsyndrome.com (yes, a dedicated
website!):
Do you worry that others will find out that you're not as
capable as they think you are?
Do you sometimes shy away from challenges because of
nagging self-doubt?
Do you dismiss your successes as a "fluke," “no big deal”
or because people "like" you?
Do you hate making a mistake, being less than fully
prepared or not doing things perfectly?
Do you tend to feel crushed by even constructive
criticism, seeing it as evidence of your "ineptness?"
When you succeed, do you think, "Phew, I fooled 'em
this time."
Do you live in fear of being found out, discovered,
unmasked?
People with Impostor Syndrome tend to have
three particular traits:
Feeling like a fake
: the belief that one does not
deserve his or her success or professional position and that
somehow other have been deceived into thinking otherwise. This
goes together with a fear of being, “found out”, discovered or
“unmasked”. People who feel this way would identify with
statements such as: “I can give the impression that I am more
competent than I really am.” “I am often afraid that others
will discover how much knowledge I really lack”.
Attributing success to luck
: Another aspect of the
imposter syndrome is the tendency to attribute success to luck
or to other external reasons and not to your own internal
abilities. Someone with such feeling would refer to an
achievement by saying, “I just got lucky this time” “it was a
fluke” and with fear that they will not be able to succeed the
next time.
Discounting Success
: The third aspect is a tendency to
downplay success and having a hard time accepting compliments,
often rejecting them. One with such feelings would discount an
achievement by saying, “it is not a big deal,” “it was not
important.”
If this all sounds very familiar, read on.
Here are some ideas.
1. Realise you are not
alone. 2. Remind yourself daily of your
strengths and contributions. Remember – for every
piece of negative feedback we hear (especially if we’re the
ones creating it for ourselves), we need eight pieces of
positive feedback to regain our equilibrium. Do this at least
once a day – every day. 3. Separate your feelings from
fact. There will be times when you’ll feel over-promoted,
under-skilled etc. It happens to everyone occasionally. Just
because you may feel that way it doesn’t mean you are.
4. Accept it. Recognise that there are times when
it’s right to feel as if you shouldn’t be there. If you’re one
of the first (minority / women in a senior role), or you’re a
Myers
Briggs “F” it’s only natural you’d sometimes feel like you
don’t totally fit in. Instead of taking your self-doubt as a
sign of your ineptness, recognise that it might be a normal
response to being different and unfamiliar. 5. Make
contact with other executives (who might be feeling the
same way!). When executives meet (at internal or external
events) they commonly focus on swapping stories but rarely
sharing what’s really going on for them. Risk being a
bit more open with those people you intuit will listen,
empathise and be supportive (rather than judgemental or
embarrassed). 6. Develop a new response to failure and
mistake making. Acknowledge how you feel about messing up
and give yourself some empathy. Then glean the learning value
from the mistake and move on. Resist any temptation to wallow
or sulk. If you notice you’re sulking, give yourself some
empathy for 5 minutes (really go for it) and move on. 7.
Change the way you frame your own rules. If you’ve been
operating under misguided rules like, “I should always know
the answer” or “Never ask for help” then STOP! Read those
phrases again and see if you can smile at how ridiculous they
are. Would you ever ask this of anyone else? 8.
Visualise success. Do what professional athletes do.
Spend time beforehand picturing yourself making a successful
presentation or calmly posing your question in class. It sure
beats picturing impending disaster and will help with
performance-related stress. 9. Reward yourself.
Break the cycle of continually seeking (and then dismissing!)
external validation of yourself by learning to pat yourself on
the back. 10. See winging it as a skill. Now and
then we all have to fly by the seat of our pants. Instead of
considering “winging it” as proof of your ineptness learn to
do what many high achievers do and view it as a skill.
Please refer me to your friends and colleagues for
life
coaching!
I’ve made a conscious decision to
devote half my time to my life
coaching business (it’s previously been about 10%). So if
you have colleagues and friends who are wondering about life
coaching, I'd be delighted to hear from them. Many
thanks.
